Shots

Tonight was our injections training class.

- The little shots (the needle is pretty short, like shorter than any I've seen), I feel pumped up and slightly competitive and ready to take those on. Those I will give to myself. I practiced giving them to the rubber substitute they provided tonight. I'm good enough at it I think. Those go into my belly. I can pinch the skin and it takes the edge off. I'm still scared for the first stick....really scared. But I think I can conquer those.

- The longer shots you inject into your MUSCLE (the needle is really long!) and has to go into my hip slightly above my butt - sounds TERRIBLE. Oh no! I don't know what to emotionally or physically do about those. I don't have to do that one for awhile, so I thought it would just be one time, and I can deal with one. But it's actually for like a month, daily of those, every night. So Kevin is on for those. I made him practice on the rubber square that was provided. He has to jab it into me and then draw back the whatever you call it to make sure there is no BLOOD in it. If there is, then he's hit a vein and has to pull it out and find another spot. I seriously got butterflies in my stomach after class, and now tonight I am dizzy.

- Then, they said we would have bruises. C'mon, are you serious????????

And yet all in all I'd have to say it was a helpful training. Weird. I like people to be up front with me and I feel they provided that.

So Lord, I am resting on this decision you led us to. You have helped me through a myriad of other trials and this is just another layer of life.
- The dude in Braveheart had some metal tool jabbed up his body.
- Jesus was flogged mostly to death, the dudes with him were hung on crosses NAILED to them.
- Guys on the front line of war take bullets!
- Ladies I know with cancer go through CHEMO and lose their hair and feel like hell for months.
- I just had a friend have her breasts cut off due to breast cancer.

These are some of the worst things I can think of right now, and I find them... somewhat comforting tonight. I am just doing some shots. Just little needles. People with diabetes take them their whole life. I'm pretty sure - Lord - that you will give me some perspective here. There are others, many others who have gone before me on this and who are enduring much more difficult things in their bodies. Don't you hate it when girls whine?

I graduated shots training. I am not going to whine. Here we go.

It begins...

Dear bloggers,

I think it is time to take the vulnerability thing to a new level here on the blog - mostly, so that I don't have to keep saying the words "have i told you yet???.....". Just check the blog and you'll be up to date what feels like a slightly insane season of our life. Otherwise, as you know, if you ask me you'll get the 30 minute version!

The Rogers, that is, Kevin and Karen Rogers (Braden opted out of this one) are..............doing In Vetro. Yes yes, In Vetro Fertilization. Otherwise known as IVF. You can check out the Oregon Reproductive Center's website here to peruse all you could ever want to know about the topic. Our doctor is Dr. Matteri, he's the one that started the place, and he's brilliant.

All Braden knows of the unbelievable amount of Dr's appointments we've been going to and will go to more of this month is..."Mommy and Daddy are trying to make a baby". To which he says (every time) "A baby sister for me?". To which Mommy gets teary eyed and musters out a "Yeah, maybe - we don't know yet". So yes, we've already confused our 3 1/2 year old.

Today is day 1 of my cycle and therefore tomorrow commences the start of drugs. First week is a piece of cake. Just taking an antibiotic (which Kevin also has to take), aspirin, and birth control. So i won't have many if any symptoms from that. Phew! In another week or so I begin the injections. They arrive in the mail next Wednesday. I will inform you the absurdity of all that when it comes, for now I'm pretending it's not happening. Except though, this Thursday night we have our "injections training" at the Dr's office. Whoopee.

So you may begin praying now. For me to stop hyperventilating, for Braden to not be a mess going back and forth between friends and families houses for all our Doctor appointments, and for a baby. Yeah, I think I want that. What am i DOING???????

A moment in time

Today...

Fall leaves floating and swirling outside my window

Walked and crunched on the leaves at the park just this morning - The fam and the dog

Blue sky, sun that warms just a bit, but not a lot

Listening to Braden and Kevin watching his 1st year of life video

Enjoying last nights home made pizza

Considering putting the fresh farm peaches into a pie

Clean house - that we worked on together all day to accomplish

Getting ready to go down to my parents farm for dinner

Organizing the home office

Planning out what I'd like to read next

Discussing with Kev how we can open our lives to more people

Anticipating the next few weeks dr appt's and what they will mean

...grateful

How God works

Am reflecting tonight on how people hear God and what prompts them to make the decisions or lack thereof in their lives. I interact with plenty of people throughout each week in my role at Imago Dei Community, and just in life. Lately I am observing more than I am talking, which is a good trait to learn for sure. Upon further inspection of many of the wonderful people I have the privilege to walk with, learn from, or speak to - I am seeing a glimpse of how God does his thing with people. It's different for everyone for sure. But there are a few consistencies...

- Most people do what they want to do. We justify our actions or heart motive however we need to in order to accomplish our goal/dream/plan. Sometimes that's with scripture, or also it's with feelings/thoughts that we assume must be God. I've spent a lot of energy over the years trying to talk people out of plans of delirium or lack of wisdom - all to little avail. Oh sure, many say the words I've spoken helped them change course and I've believed them and thought perhaps what I know of God was somehow important and shaping in their lives. And I'm sure some of that is true. :) What is more true though is that God is the only one that truly shapes a person.

- Friends, ministry partners, family and all the rest including me; want to become more mature in Christ. We really do. It's the getting there that's hard. There isn't a formula or a particular group of scriptures that takes you there. It's a journey to say the least and it will involve pain, confusion, frustration, disappointments, great joys, and a few surprises. Almost always it involves losing yourself for the sake of something much bigger which is always other people. And losing ourselves seems to be the thing that causes us to do the above...do what we want.

- In the mess of it all, God is involved in some kind of grand orchestra in our lives it seems. I've seen it many times now and am experiencing it still. It's simply amazing to me how people can choose what they do, go astray, leave church community and submission to others, try something because they don't know what the heck they should do, or just bounce around never really committing to anything. And yet - God never leaves the scene and is still very much involved in our formation.

I am becoming less afraid and on mission to speak to people about their decision making that may lead to unpleasant and unfruitful times. In fact I've found myself saying multiple times lately "let them go". And am noticing people have had to do the same with me. If Christ is fully God and the author of the universe I'm pretty sure He can handle a little soul searching craziness. Time and time again I've seen people that I'd written off long ago - come back. To faith, to community, to loving others, to Christ. God is at work all over and everywhere and there just isn't a way to know or figure out how he's going to do what he's going to do.

Freeing. Brings a smile to my face. Causes me to worry about people less. And makes me drop to my knees in prayer for many as God seems to have much work to do often in the hearts and lives of those we love.

Psalm 112

This Psalm was read in a staff meeting today and has stuck in my head all day. My favorite part is "Light shines in the darkness for the godly". And also "They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them". We've been talking as a church about money and generosity lately, i think in light of advent conspiracy, the economy, and the gospel. This last Sunday Rick said something to the effect of "We're asking you to pretend this Christmas that Christ is really the Lord of your life". Listen to hear what he really said - but I was close. I'm in love with Jesus yet again.

Psalm 112
1 Praise the Lord!

How joyful are those who fear the Lord
and delight in obeying his commands.
2 Their children will be successful everywhere;
an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.
3 They themselves will be wealthy,
and their good deeds will last forever.
4 Light shines in the darkness for the godly.
They are generous, compassionate, and righteous.
5 Good comes to those who lend money generously
and conduct their business fairly.
6 Such people will not be overcome by evil.
Those who are righteous will be long remembered.
7 They do not fear bad news;
they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
8 They are confident and fearless
and can face their foes triumphantly.
9 They share freely and give generously to those in need.
Their good deeds will be remembered forever.
They will have influence and honor.
10 The wicked will see this and be infuriated.
They will grind their teeth in anger;
they will slink away, their hopes thwarted.

More things new

Braden on his bike and playing with his new girlfriend...


Braden Riding His Bike from Kevin Rogers on Vimeo.

A little bit of new

No deep thoughts to share as of recent. So pictures of Braden will get posted here for everyone's viewing pleasure. Or at least a place for me to document all the beautiful moments.

Yes, Braden got a haircut. His first real barber hair cut, it was very fun. Especially because he actually sat there and let her cut it! So grown up...

And then...we got him a new bed! Slow down growing boy, slow down. I had to put stuffed animals all over the room to decorate so it didn't look so much like a teenagers room. Can't you just picture a bigger, older version of Braden lazin' around in this bed on a Saturday morning? Ah well, he's pretty cute in it ain't he?