New quotes to live by

I am reading C.S. Lewis's Problem of Pain. It's almost entirely too intellectual for me, but I'm trying. And in the trying my heart is stirred to something deeply relevant to me. God loves me, and this may involve much pain as I grow and learn - but He loves me enough to let me go through it so I can know Him more deeply.

To ask that God's love should be content with us as we are is to ask that God should cease to God: because He is what He is, His love must, in the nature of things, be impeded and repelled by certain stains in our present character, and because He already loves us He must labour to make us lovable.

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell. But God wills our good, and our good is to love Him and to love Him we must know Him; and if we know Him, we shall in fact fall on our faces. If we do not, that only shows that what we are trying to love is not yet God - though it may be the nearest approximation to God which our thought and fantasy can yet attain. We are bidden to 'put on Christ', to become like God. That is, whether we like it or not, God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want. Once more, we are embarrassed by the intolerable compliment, by too much love, not too little.

Mercy me

Check out tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy! I think it's called Just Stop... Man oh man, I'm bawling like a baby, boo hooing on my couch. :) Themes of restoration, healing and mercy. I love it when they nail it like that. In the last 5 minutes a child comes back to life in a miraculous way, a man that is an undeserving sicko is showed tender mercy and a friendship that was broken was restored. If you need a good cry or a reminder that there is good to be found in most any broken thing - give a watch. Of course my trash TV show starts out with a dirty sex scene (nothing shown, but still...). so...sorry I'm a sucker for trash shows, am hoping to be more holy.

What is going on?

I am burdened and observant to something that is going on seemingly everywhere. Hardship, loss, financial stress, and marriage crisis. I've been relatively patient waiting it out knowing well the waves of stuff that comes. But this is a pretty big wave. Close friends and family are hurting and scared, young couples confused and losing hope, bad financial news keeps rolling in for many of us.

There is good and mercy amongst it all. And the stories of real change and transformation begin here, in the depths. It always seems to roll that way. I will celebrate those stories and look and listen to all that is being birthed, for sure.

But tonight I am convicted to lift up to God those persons who have asked us to pray for them. Perhaps visualize our becoming strength in their weakness, courage in their fear, freedom in their guilt and hope in their despair.

We've all been there. And we will be there again. It's just the waves of life, none of us are immune to suffering. Those friends that have gotten down on their knees on my behalf in those times are the ones I feel love me the most. So....I'm praying.

Here is a great benediction I came across regarding silence:

"Come, Lord, and speak to my heart. Communicate to it your holy will, and mercifully work within it both to will and to do according to your good pleasure. Alas! how long shall my exile be prolonged? When shall the veil be removed which separates time from eternity? When shall I see that which I now believe? When shall I find what I seek? When shall I possess what I love, which is you, O my God! Grant, O Jesus, that these holy desires with which you now inspire me, may be followed by that eternal happiness which I hope for from your infinite mercy. Amen."
- Thomas a Kempis

"Silence is the very presence of God - always there. But activity hides it. We need to leave activity long enough to discover the Presence - then we can return to activity with it.
Stillness is present throughout the run at every point. But if one only runs, he never knows stillness.
God is present in all beings, but we will never be aware of him if we never stop and leave behind all beings to be to him."
- From O Holy Mountain! by M. Basil Pennigton

Adoptive mothers

Our birth mother Erin and Braden at the Polar Express this December.

So....I got invited into a Circle of Moms group through facebook a few months ago. I thought I'd sign on and peruse it a bit. As i looked through the options of types of mommy groups to get involved with none appealed to me - so i signed onto the Greys Anatomy one and the Christian mommies one. And never looked at the site again. :) But as i was thinking about it I realized there was nothing regarding adoptive mothers on it, which I thought strange. So what did I do? I started a circle for adoptive moms. Thought not much of it and then was consumed the last 2 months with In Vitro.

Well today I get a message from the head of Circle of Moms who informed me there are 362 members on the adoption circle now!!!!!!! And would I let her know if I intended on not responding to any of them. :) Ha ha haaaaaaaaa!! So I've spent the morning responding to stories and reading people's hearts and seeing their pictures of their new babies or older kids. Received advice from mom's whose kids are older than mine and have been at the adoption thing longer. And encouraged women who are still waiting to be chosen by a birth mother.

Sigh.

It's easy to forget where you come from don't you think? Life rolls on and you cover your wounds and move forward. Which is good. But there are seasons to pause and reflect on our own stories of pain and hope - and rejoice, grieve, and celebrate what has come to pass. With other women.

The number 1 comment that is left on the adoption circle is "Please share your story". Hmm. There is something incredibly powerful about story. I am challenged to create space for myself and others to share more about where we've come from and where we've been. To celebrate and to cry. And then the moving forward might be all the sweeter.

We should dance more

A few of us threw a friend a birthday party last night. We had hors d'oeuvres, wine, punch and even makings for ice cream sundays. We had her open her gifts and read her cards out loud which had the perfect affect of humor and sappiness. But then my most dancerific friend started the music and we all just got up and danced! It wasn't forced, no one was made fun of or pressured to do it. It was just the obvious response to the music and a room full of ladies celebrating the life of a friend.

Some of us tried out some new moves, others just shook their booty or made dancing faces and raised their arms. All of us looked ridiculous which to our delight got quite a bit of response and encouragement from the others. Not many really know how to dance. It's just not a prerequisite.

The most noteworthy thing about the dancing was - that we were all grinning! Dancing seems to have that affect on people. Almost no one dances with a grimace or look of boredom on their face. If you are going to dance, you usually just get a kick out of yourself and others. We smile for different reasons: My friend Emily in this picture for instance seems to be smiling because it's just fun to dance! Whereas Nina is clearly laughing at someone else's moves. And then Lisa is just closing her eyes in disbelief that she is actually dancing. Or maybe it's her getting her groove on face - i can't tell. Either way I think their smiles are fantastic and they all look gorgeous.

So we danced. So what? And when do we get to do it again?

Help is coming...one day late

One of my most favorite songs of Sam Phillips is ringing in my ears tonight as I think of you. Enjoy the listen. Soak in the words.

One Day Late

Help is coming
Help is coming one day late
One day late
After you’ve given up and all is gone
Help is coming one day late
Help is coming one day

Try to understand
You try to fix your broken hands
But remember
That there always has been good
Like stars you don’t see in the day sky
Wait ‘til night

For help is coming
Help is coming one day late
One day late
After you’ve given up and all is gone
Help is coming one day late
Help is coming one day

Life has kept me down
I’ve been growing underground
Now I’m coming up
When time opens the earth
You’ll see love has been moving all around us
Making waves

So help is coming
Help is coming one day late
One day late
After you’ve given up and all is gone
Help is coming one day late
Help is coming one day
Help is coming
Help

A New Year

The New Year 2009 has begun. I was putting away my Christmas tree ornaments today and looking at the dates on ornaments from years ago. 1998, 1996, 1989, 1978, 1974. That's as far as they went. :) A lot of Christmas's have gone by. No wonder I have such a big box!

I notice now the ornaments I collect are no longer cute, but pretty and thematic. Braden has his own box of ornaments he's been given or made, which gives me a chill because I remember when I started mine when I was that small. Ahhhh life. The whole time thing still weirds me out. As a kid I was always looking forward to getting older - like crazy excited about being another year older. I don't have that same excitement anymore. I'm not old. Rather young in the grand scheme in fact. But I'm very aware now. I am the age I remember my mom being as I grew up. Hmm - just a little weird. Now I am cherishing the years and months and the moments unlike I ever did as a kid. Which is good I think - at least I'm savoring life. But I confess it's also because I know it will someday change a lot more and eventually end. I look forward to God explaining the whole time thing in heaven. It will be nice not to have it there. For now I'm trying to enjoy the seasons and freaking crazy roller coaster ride of it all.

So the house is rid of Christmas decor and all is organized and clean. Calendar planned for the year with great visions and goals - curious to see how the roller coaster messes it up! But oh it will be a ride that will blow my hair back and make me scream with a giant grin on my face.

Am looking forward to it.